Hearing is Seeing

I'm sitting drinking my morning coffee. We ran out of creamer over the weekend and since I do not take my coffee black, I used the only thing at my disposal...Bailey's Irish Cream.  Whiskey before breakfast is a real thing in this house..at least until I can make it to the store for creamer.

Don't judge me, it's Spring Break and the world is facing a global pandemic.

As I sit and sip, I'm reflecting on a Podcast I listened to last night.  Brené Brown's new Podcast "Unlocking Us" is thought provoking gold.  It's not something I can listen to around the kids so I generally listen to it before bed.  This particular episode was a conversation with Tarana Burke, who established the "Me Too" movement.  I confess that I have to go re-listen to it.  Despite the fascinating conversation, exhaustion overcame me, and I drifted off to sleep.  But, before I entered dreamland, I caught a part of it that deeply resonated with me.  Tarana said, "if you can't hear me, you can't see me."  This concept, that to be seen is to be heard, really struck me.  In an age where people speak more than they listen, it's no surprise that a large majority of people, myself included, feel unseen.

As humans we long to be known.  And yet, one of the scariest things we can do is open ourselves up to be known.  There's a vulnerability to it that is frankly terrifying, so we sabotage it.  Either by just remaining quiet, and not letting our voices be heard. 🙋  Or by other means that masks who we really are.  These defensive mechanisms protect our image and our inner being from judgement and scorn.  But leave us alienated and lonely.  I sit wondering how many of us have even one person who truly knows who we are?  Just one person, who we have let in.  Not at the surface level of our lives, but the deepest parts of who we are.  The pieces that aren't pretty.  The parts of our story that we don't want to tell, but at times wish people knew.  Because then, they'd be able to understand.  But with understanding comes vulnerability.  And vulnerability often equates to weakness.

This idea sent me on a self-reflecting spiral.  And something I have considered a weakness in my own life are my emotions.  I'm a very emotional person with high sensitivity.  It's something about myself that has brought lifelong shame.  I have tried to ignore and hide this part of myself for years.  Insisting that I am not a "feeler" but a "thinker." Trying and trying to be anything, but myself.  But this piece of me, that I tried so desperately to stamp out, always showed through.  Much to my dismay. You can't run from who you were created to be.  I've been on a journey, learning to embrace these parts of myself that I have long considered useless.  And part of this journey is allowing myself, my real self, to finally be heard and seen.  It's uncomfortable and intimidating.  And most days, I really want to go back into hiding.  But hiding helps no one.  There can be no community or friendship without vulnerability.  It is vulnerability that makes us human.  And embracing it, is what will unite us.